not entirely superficial…

the blinking cursor is bringer of doom.

i know i didn’t keep up my end of the bargain. 30 days, 30 posts. but, i suppose there was no one on the the other end to keep me accountable; because i didn’t have the energy to keep getting there. it’s a lame excuse, and it’s the one that is most typical. but, i’m not without remorse, and a low-grade feeling of humiliation. it’s so me to not have kept it up, that it’s almost, (i said, almost) laughable.

but, i’m here and i feel badly about it, and i’m embarrassed, again, but there it is. i suppose there is some value in being honest. the value being that i’m finding it difficult to find the value in doing something for the sake of doing something for myself. and trust, i know how that sounds – and it’s so very adolescent, but there are chips on shoulders and there are crutches to lean on, and i’m choosing the crutch because i need the balance, and i need something to lean on, because i’m just so damned tired. i don’t know when i’ll feel less tired, i don’t know when i’ll feel like some portion of my life will be mine again, and i don’t say that with a sense of resentment, i’m just immersed with taking care of someone else, and i’m not very good at taking care of myself on the best of occasions, so this is just… simpler.

not great, no, i didn’t say that. just simpler.

but, i’m here, and i’ll come back again soon – i promise.