asleep.
i sat down to write something, then closed my eyes for a moment.
and then i was asleep.
funny, that.
when i was younger i suffered, (and i well and truly mean that i suffered) a mean case of insomnia. it was somewhere between my second and third year at university. somewhere in-between where things started to go all pear-shaped and i just stopped going to class one day. for about six months. or was it a year? i don’t remember anymore. no one asked, so i didn’t have to make any excuses.
all i know is that one day, i couldn’t sleep. i just couldn’t fall asleep. it was as if when the day turned to night and it was time to shut my eyes, that was when my mind would wake from some sort of muddy catatonic state and go manic. so set on edge, when all the cogs would get to work, that it would make me physically ill and i just couldn’t stay in bed. there were countless hours of television, watching nothing in particular. cellophane wrappers from all the cigarette packs smoked strewn across tables, crinkling in my hand, a nervous habit. so many nervous habits.
and when, hours and hours later, a crack in the sky would let a sharp line of light in, i’d know that i’d almost made it. i’d just need to make it another hour or two and i could finally have some rest. i’d go outside, when absolutely no one needs to be out, and i would walk, walk around the block, walk anywhere, just to be able to get back. because when it was finally light out, and i had nothing left to do, and no energy to think – i’d finally be able to sleep.
i’m just as tired now as i was then, but i rarely have any trouble falling asleep now…
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